TARGET 101013

Summer Home for Sale

Interested? Call your realtor, today.

If you have the money, No Man’s Land Fort is worth a look. It’s 81 meters (266 ft)in diameter (55,543 square feet of living space) and 18 meters (59 ft)above the surrounding water. There's no cheap construction, either. It’s built out of granite blocks and reinforced with a thick iron plating. So, if its luxury doesn’t convince you to buy, then at least you know that your home will be safe, whether it is battling a storm or a full-on naval attack.

"What luxuries?", you say?

The Central Pavillion

Well, for starters, the protected, all-weather pavillion has a large, semi-circular swimming pool, Jacuzzi, bar, and entertainment areas. The main house has a private living space, with 21 guest suites, for when friends and family come to visit. There are several state dining rooms, sunning and relaxation areas, two helipads, and plenty of historic areas to just rummage through.

It is only 2.2 miles by sea to Portsmouth, England and the Isle of Wight, and there is absolutely no commuting traffic to bother you.

There's a basement and two further floors arranged in concentric circles, one of which is set around a massive glass-topped atrium. On the deck is a three-bedroom lighthouse with a 360-degree observatory, and, of course, a helipad: in fact, there are two. There is a boat launch and a winch, but it has fallen into disrepair and is presently unusable. When it works, you can be winched up the side of the fort, where there is a door which slides back and lets you in.

Well, it's true that there is no curving stretch of golden sand dotted with languid palm trees. But there are certainly views of the sea, even though a good portion of the year, the views are mostly grey and bleak. But since you will only be using it for a Summer home, that won't really matter, now, will it?

The front of your new Summer home.

It's also true that the suites are all built into the rooms for the old gun emplacements, but today, the smells of gunpower and cosmolene are virtually non-existant. And, while you can arrive by boat and climb 60 feet of stairs to the surface, we advise that it is usually best for you and your guests to best to arrive in your own private helicopters.

The rear of your new Summer home.

And, while it does look for all the world like a giant rusting tin can bobbing about in the sea, inside, it's beautiful. And if you can afford the place, then it's understood that you will be able to have one of your servants keep the lighthouse going at night and maintained during the day.

And did I mention, "history"? This is no ordinary island. It is a fortress, built in the 1860s to defend Portsmouth from the French during the Napoleonic wars. As a fortress, it was named, "No Man's Land Fort". Seriously, now, who could quibble over a value like that?

It was one of four such forts. By the time these military outposts were completed, the French were no longer such a threat and the forts were abandoned. Used briefly during the two Great Wars, they were finally deactivated in 1956 and put up for sale in the Sixties.

The other three have already been made into private homes. This one was converted into a luxury hotel in the early Nineties, but it has lain empty for a few years, now. One can only assume there wasn't much call for this type of retreat in the south of England. Well, that outbreak of a deadly virus in the drinking water didn't help.

There is planning permission to build a floating harbour with 40 berths, so perhaps there are commercial possibilities. But before you think of ripping it all apart and remodeling to suit your own style, you should know that it's "Grade II-listed" (scheduled for English Heritage Ancient Monument status), which might limit any plans for any dramatic loft-style conversions.

But, if you can afford the transport costs, and you fancy lounging about on your own private deck with a cocktail, or perhaps zipping along in your speedboat to visit the neighbours on their much smaller forts in the distance (which are already privately owned), then this might be the place for you. It would be a wonderful place for someone rich looking for an accessible retreat.

Word of warning to would-be evil enemies of James Bond: You should know that this is only two miles off the coast of the Isle of Wight. This means you are not in international waters and remain firmly under UK jurisdiction, which definitely rules its use as an evil CHAOS villain's hideaway.

What? The price? Well, dah-ling! It's a steal for ONLY four million British pounds - roughly $6,600,000 U.S. (before taxes). So! Shall we do up the paperwork?

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To learn more about No Man's Land Fort, take a look at the following web sites:

Wikipedia
Atlas Obscura
Oddity Central
Luxury Launches ($8 million USD w/their sales commission.)